Legally Hetalian
by Marukaite Chikyuu Doitsu
Summary: You don't have to know the play/musical to read! Hetalian Parody of Legally Blonde's "There Right There" or "Gay or European" however you like to say it. A lotta crackfic-character-switching goodness! long oneshot


MCD: I couldn't resist :3 as soon as I heard this song I knew it would be hilarious! You don't have to know the musical to read~! "There Right There" in Legally blond does not belong to me and I am not making profit on it so shut yer yaps!

Underlined=all of them singing **bold=emphasis **_italics=also emphasis_

The next chapter of Where Is Home is almost finished, as well as my Russia/Kag oneshot

**Legally Hetalian**

Hungary ran out of the courtroom in a rush, snapping open her cellphone that was playing the Hungarian anthem.

"Hello, what's up?"

"Oh! I just had to call and thank you!" America gushed out on the other end. She could practically hear him smile. "The bend-n-snap routine worked! I, may have broken Arthur's nose, but! I got to spend four and a half hours with him in the ambulance and at the ER! And it was the most ROMANTIC time I've ever had in my life!" Hungary laughed.  
>"Oh America, that's great! The bend-n-snap is infallible unless the guy isn't gay or however that saying goes…" she said, picking up her forgotten paperwork in her rush to get out. As she stood up, though, she saw the defendant, Antonio Fernandez Carriedo, or simply "Spain". He was filing his nails and leaning against the wall.<p>

"I gotta go, bye." Hungary said suddenly, making her friend on the other line blink.

"Oh! Okay, but like, call me later, 'kay? Bye!" America said and hung up.

Hungary snapped her green cell shut and stared at Spain, thinking.

She held out her papers to arm's length and dropped them. In her green army uniform, which was incredibly inappropriate for the courtroom, she did a quick bend-n-snap in front of him. He cast her a look as if to say, "What are you _doing?_"

She huffed and backed her butt towards the man, dropped the papers again and did another bend-n-snap. He barely cast her a glance.

Suddenly it struck her and she ran past Spain into the courtroom, squealing some unintelligible sound.

She ran past the audience's seats, up the isle and to her counsel table. And **giggled. **She held up her hand, telling everyone to stop what they were doing.

"Watch this," she said and did a quick bend-n-snap. Suddenly she could feel all the men's eyes on her. "Didja see it?" she asked once she was holding her papers again.

"See what?" Austria said, looking at some court papers as he stood next to her, facing the judge's stand.

"Uhm, no, maybe you should do it one more time?" France stood up and asked smoothly, grinning like the cat that caught the canary.

"Please!" Prussia shouted, jumping up randomly. Hungary rolled her eyes and turned to Austria, who was looking around in confusion.

"Spain **couldn't **have had the affair with Belarus!" she told him, walking back to the counsel table. "I just did the bend-n-snap in front of him: nothing!" she dropped her papers and pen onto the table and looked around. "Clearly, he must be gay." She deduced. There was a collective mumble around the place as she helped Belarus stand.

"He did leave a share city in the pool room once," she shuddered. France suddenly cut in.

"You want to out this guy on the stand? That's crazy, mon cheri! You can't build a legal strategy on the bend-n-snap. We need a defense, not a dance move." He frowned. He might've been perverted but he knew something bad could happen.

"You think he perjured himself but you can't prove it." Austria said, walking up behind her. She spun around to meet him. "But you can't prove it. You know if you're wrong, we look desperate **and **homophobic!" he warned, but someone said behind her, "But if she's right—"

"And I know I am!" she snapped, pointing at Spain. He'd just entered the room and was walking back to the witness stand.

(Musical part starts here!)

"There! Right there! Look at that tan, well-tended skin! Look at the killer shape he's in! Look at that slightly stubbly chin, oh please he's gay, totally gay!" she sang but Austria had something to say about it.

"I'm not about to celebrate, every trait could indicate, a totally straight expatriate. This guy's not gay, I say, not gay."

"That is the Gilbird in the room. Well is it relevant to assume, that a man who wears perfume is automatically radically fey!" suddenly the whole court was standing and singing. France stood, adding his two cents.

"Look at his coiffed and crispy locks-"

"Look at his silk translucent-socks!"

"There's the eternal paradox- look what we're seein'." Roderich said, moving to stand in front of the counsel table. "Is he gay-"

"Of course he's gay!" Hungary shouted-

"Or **European**!" Austria shouted, silencing everyone. A moment later, some of them were slow-mo falling into their seats.

"Oooooohhhhh….." they all mumbled.

"Gay or European," they all sang a different tune, "It's hard to guarantee." Spain sat, watching them from the witness' stand, highly amused. "Is he gay or European." They all turned to France.

"Well hey don't look at me!" he said and they all started singing again.

"You see they bring their boys up different in those charming foreign ports. They play peculiar sports- in Chinese shirts and tiny shorts!" they shouted/sang and Wang Yao suddenly jumped up from the audience. "HEY, ARU!"

"Gay or foreign fella, the answer could take weeks." Feliciano Vargas, otherwise known as Italy suddenly stood up.

"Ve~, we say things like ciao bella while we kiss you on both cheeks!" he shouted jovially but Germany tugged him back down into his seat.

Hungary rolled her eyes.

"Oh please, gay-!"

"Or European! So many shades of gray!"

"Depending on the time of day, us French go either way!" France stood up and sang, holding up a rose.

"Is he gay or European-"

"There! Right there!" Prussia shouted, standing up. He was way too awesome to join that song! "Look at that condescending smirk, seen it on every guy at work. That's a metro-hetero jerk. That guy's not gay I say, no way."

"That is the Gilbird in the room, and is it relevant to presume, that a hotty in that costume-"

"Is automatically radically-" Hungary spoke.

Then Austria stood, "Ironically chronically-"

Sweden was stading next to Spain and the Spaniard suddenly stood, taking his hat.

"-Certainly, flirtingly-" Prussia shouted.

"-Genetically medically-" France added.

"Gay! Officially gay! **Officially gay gay gay gay****-" **They all started shouting until he pulled Seychelles out of nowhere and kissed her hand.

"**Dammit!"** they all screamed.

"Gay or European!"

"So stylish and relaxed," Austria said.

"Is he gay or European?" Suddenly Spain opened up his shirt because it was getting warm.

"I think his chest is waxed!" he suddenly said, a little creeped.

"But they bring their boys up different there, It's culturally diverse!" Gilbert sang, his awesome voice was really loud…"It's not a fashion curse!"

"If he wears a kilt or bears a purse! Gay or just exotic? I still can't crack the code."

"His accent is hypnotic!" Belarus suddenly swooned, completely out of character unless speaking about Russia. "But his shoes are pointy-toed.." she said sadly.

"Huh. Gay or European, so many shades of Gray."

Suddenly Denmark, the judge, swung around in his chair towards the audience and grinned.

"But if he turns out gay I'm free at eight on Saturday!"

"Is he gay or European? Gay or European, gay or Eruo—"

"Wait a minute!" France shouted, stopping the music. "Give me a chance to crack this guy, I have an idea I'd like to try." Although it rimed, he was completely serious. Austria gestured to the room.

"The floor is yours." That was all he needed to hear.

"So, Mr. Carriedo?" he pivoted and looked at Spain, who waved his hand to make him continue. "This alleged affair with Miss Alfroskaya (Belarus' last name) has been going on for how long..?"

"Two years." He answered simply.

"And your first name is?"

"Antonio."

"And your boyfriend's name is?"

"Lovino." He smirked, but then went completely pale, as if he were having a heart attack. There was a collective gasp from the whole room. "I'm sorry I misunderstand you say boyfriend I thought you say best friend!" he choked, grabbing his chest and taking a couple breaths, then sitting back up with a smile. "Lovino is my _best_ friend."

"You **bastard!" **Romano roared, standing up abruptly from the audience. Everyone turned to him. "You _lying bastard!" _He screamed, furious. "That's it! I cover for you **no more!** Peoples, I have a big announcement!" he shouted, jumping on top of the defendant's counsel table.

"This man is gay _and _European!" he shouted, holding a hand on his hip and pointing at his lover. The whole room was sent reeling.

"_**Whoa!"**_

"And neither is disgrace!"

"Oh!"

Romano looked at Spain and smacked his hand against his palm.

"You have to stop your being a **completely closet case**!" he shouted.

"D'oh!" the courtroom shouted and they fell over.

"It's me, not her, he's seein', no matter what he say! I swear he never ever ever swing the other way!" he shouted and jumped off the table. He ran over and grabbed Spain, dragging him out of the witnesses' booth.

"You are so gay, you big parfait, you flaming one man cabaret-!" he shouted, but Spain himself butted in.

"I'm straight!"

"You were not yesterday." Lovino growled and walked back to the center of the room. "So if I may, I'm proud to say! He's gay!"

"And European!"

"He's gay!"

"And European!"

"Please, gay!"

"And European and Gay!" the others sung behind him, standing up.

Spain shot up from his seat, hands in the air. "Fine okay I'm gay!"

"Hoorraa~~~~~y!" the chorus sang loudly as Spain jumped from the seat and spun into Romano's arms.

"Finally!"

They spent the next few minutes dancing around randomly as everyone left the courtroom. Hungary squealed.

"So cuuuttteee!" She laughed and grabbed a mortified Roderich's arm, dragging him from the room.

Denmark sat dejectedly on the Judge's chair, staring at the two. "Why don't I get any?" he whined, propping his feet up on the desk with a pout and he clutched his axe. Norway suddenly popped his head through the doors.

"Well are you coming or what? I'm not going to wait forever." He muttered and Denmark jumped up joyfully.

**Legally Hetalian**

MCD: I almost feel mean for stopping right there. I sort of want to do the whole play now… lol R&R! There's a video on youtube, search for "Legally blond the musical 14" that's where I got it from.

I actually had to do a lot of research for this one, but I'm glad I got it all finished. Hope you like!

I KNOW SOME THINGS ARE MISSPELLED OR REPLACED, IT'S A PARODY, IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE THAT WAY, please do not review and tell me that~!

Rolecall!

Hungary-Elle

Austria-Callahan

Belarus-Brooke

France-Emmet & Warner

Prussia-Vivian & Enid

Denmark-Judge

Spain-Mikos

Romano-Carlos

China, Italy and Germany-Random audience members

Sweden-Guard/police officer

you can review and tell me who I missed, like Iggy and America.


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